Fitting in the Beach culture

Frenchy and I went to Rawa Island in Johor Malaysia over the weekend. The island is a 30minute speedboat ride away from Mersing and is basically a strip of beach on one side and a steep cliff on the other. It is a lovely island getaway that you could opt for when the fake Singapore beaches and view of the container ships just can't cut it any longer; a lovely way to destress and get away from the stress, noise and fast paced life in Singapore.

We spent most of the day snorkeling (of which I saw a grumpy nemo's face and laughed so much that I almost drowned), had great food, played scrabble by the beach and just relaxing on the pure sandy beach).

But a place like this was not for me to be honest. Despite being on an island in Malaysia, I was the minority there. To be honest, I was intimidated by the other Caucasians there and was lost in the myriad of languages that I could not understand.

And the beach culture - of body baring, drinking and partying is something completely alien to me. I was raised in a household where spaghetti tops and shorts were unacceptable, so bikinis were definitely a ticket to all day nagging session by mum. That doesn't mean I don't think women shouldn't wear bikinis for they should wear whatever they feel comfortable and happy in.

And for me, it was a body suit as we were snorkeling and I wanted to keep the stinging jellyfish off my skin. However, the looks of amusement and somewhat horror was evident in the faces of the size 6-10 long limbed women, tanning in the sun. I think the look says - "Size 16 women should honestly NOT be on the beach".

I was quite sad and so self conscious the entire time that I was embarrassed to go anywhere near the others. However it's not easy seeing that the place was so small, there was hardly anywhere to hide. :(

Ah, the perils of not fitting in the acceptable range of beauty eh?

Food, Islam and Society in Asia

Personal experience of mine shows that the term 'halal' has always been a contention as well as cause of displeasure among classmates/friends when it comes to places of communal eating. Sometimes, I wonder if it is out of ignorance (despite Singapore being touted as educating its young on its multi-cultural/religious mythology) or just plain idiocy. 

Some questions include: - Can you eat pork if it's halal?
                                     - Can we eat at places where they only sell seafood? [fish and co, sushi parlours]
                                     - Why Malays must eat only halal food is it?

Firstly, the definition of halal is not just that we cannot eat pork. Halal meat involves the draining of the blood from the animal first before the meat can be butchered. In addition, at the point of slaughter, there is a prayer to be said to signify that the animal is meant for consumption (and not for sacrifice or presentation for the God etc). With that said, sometimes even halal establishments are questionable, as highlighted in an article on Macdonalds here.

Islam's stance on what is permissible to eat and what is not, is clear. There are strict rules when it comes to meat regarding what is allowed and what is forbidden. In Surat Al-Maida (The Table) Allah says:


"Forbidden to you (for food) are: AI-Maytatah (the dead animals -cattle-beasts not slaughtered), blood, the flesh of swine and the meat of that which has been slaughtered as a sacrifice for others than Allah or has been slaughtered for idols etc, or on which Allah's Name has not been mentioned while slaughtering and that which has been killed by strangling or by a violent blow or by a headlong fall or by the goring of horns - and that which has been (partly) eaten by a wild animal - unless you are able to slaughter it(before its death) and that which is sacrificed (slaughtered) on AnNusub (stone altars). [Forbidden] also is to use arrows seeking luck or decision, [all] that is Fisqun (disobedience of Allah and sin). This day, those who disbelieved have given up all hope of your religion, so fear them not (but fear Me. This day, I have perfected your religion for you completed My Favor upon you and have chosen for you Islam as your religion. But as for him who is forced by severe hunger, with no inclination to sin [such can eat these above-mentioned meats], then surely, Allah is All Forgiving, Most Merciful”

Here, I would like to share some of the findings that Professor Robert McKinley, from the Michigan State University, presented during a workshop conducted at NUS on the above mentioned topic.

He presented a case study on the social significance of food (especially halal food) in Malaysia (and Singapore in this context) and sought to bridge the tie between food, political significance as well as identity.

McKinley made a substantial point in his observation that Muslims in Malaysia (and Singapore as well) have adopted stricter rules in their observation of dietary restrictions because of rising affluence. The Quran ( The holy book) states that God forgives his mortals should they have to resort to non-halal food in times of difficulties like famine, war etc.

As such, with increasing affluence in the modern society nowadays, many middle class Muslims are becoming more self conscious about their dietary restrictions. Even seafood which has no Islamic restrictions becomes suspect when the food establishment does not have a halal sign at its door. This is the case with Fish and Co and to Sakae Sushi.

To take the latter case, Sakae Sushi has opened a new chain of halal Japanese cuisine restaurant called Hei Sushi at Downtown East and Sembawang shopping centre. The rationale of this is to facilitate the process of halal certification. For an eating establishment to be deemed as halal, all its crockery, utensils, cooking area etc have to be cleaned and often changed if they had cooked pork previously. [However, I do feel this may be stretching it a little too far. I've always wondered why halal establishments serve non-Muslim customers if their concern was that the utensils/food etc are to free of pork residue. I mean... if someone just had suckling pig before coming to the restaurant for a drink with his Muslim friends, wouldn't he be contaminating the cup with his pork-flavoured saliva?]

Food restrictions have become an ascriptive identity of Muslims and to not follow these rules are to be labelled as deviant. Such is the same when Muslims are caught eating during the fasting month. The concept of halal and food regulations brought about by the Islamic faith has gained a prominent feature in our society. Most non-Muslims are aware of those restrictions and as a sign of good will will usually try to accommodate  As such, they will express surprise [and I suspect psychological analysis of labelling the deviant] when a friend exercise a lax in these restrictions.

These outwardly forms of religious identification becomes synonymously linked with ethnic identification. As with the last question, Malays in Singapore are almost always automatically classified as Muslims. Often, I escape such judgements because most people cannot tell if I'm Malay, Chinese and lately, Filipino. 

Personally, I do not strictly eat at halal places. My belief is that in our current state of development, we have to place our trust on others to slaughter and prepare our meat and i suspect that some methods are not as "halal" as I would like them to be so "halal" is something that someone else has determined for me and not something that I am certain completely. Although with that said, I try my best to buy halal meat in the supermarket (and I worry how easy this would be when I move overseas - any thoughts on this anyone?).  

My belief in food is that everything that is created by God is wonderful and as such should be tasted at least once. Everything should be consumed in balance and in controlled quantities. Why do we need to put in place such arbitrary divisions that separates Muslims who eat halal, Muslims who don't eat halal and everyone else? I know of some friends who don't even want to sit at the same table if their non-muslim friends aren't eating halal food. 

Has religion really become so pervasive that we are no longer able to make our own choices anymore?

Marriage woes of a Malay-Muslim girl

Frenchy and I have been talking about legalising our relationship. It sounds simple: He gets down on one knee, asks the question, I say yes and boom we head off to the registry and be Mr and Mrs.

However, this process doesn't apply to me. Even before he could pop the question, we needed to discuss how to get around to getting married without upsetting the entire Malay-Muslim community and the prevailing  marriage laws of Singapore and France.

I was reading an article about a lady undergoing an arranged marriage and she mentioned how marriage seems to be the only way for women to gain independence and to some extent, I agree. It's not uncommon knowledge that many Malay girls get married young and I suspect that it has a lot to do with the desire for independence. The religion tells us that many things are forbidden and that even our emotions before being "halal" certified/ married is unreal. I too, once upon a time was so fed up with this that I said yes to marry a person I had absolutely no feelings for, with the thought that falling in love before marriage isn't right; love after marriage is the only acceptable thing.

But... what if you made the wrong choice? What if this "good" man that someone else has picked out for you isn't right for you? Again, the article mentioned that often parents want the "right" suitor to be like them, not like us.

Coincidentally perhaps, Frenchy sent me an article titled "Do not marry before the age of 30" in which the author encourages women to explore all life possibilities during their 20s, become independent and most importantly, re-examine why you want to get married in the first place. I quote:

Why do you want to get married?

Why do you want to get married? Because your friends are getting married? Because society has bamboozled you to think you should be married by now?  These reasons have nothing to do with the man you’re marrying, and they bode for an unhappy future, a future where you’ll be only half alive. Without room in this relationship for the essential you, you will be lonely forever. And so will he.

So, forget about the fantasy of marriage and let’s get real.

It's a great article and while I agree with many of her points, I think that culture also plays a big part  in validating the points she made. The context of her experience is set by her migratory status as a Chinese woman studying and living in the US. That alone, puts her and many of my Singaporean friends who have studied overseas the ability to be independent and chase their dreams, live their life.

It is the accumulated social and financial capital that allows someone to postpone marriage, not just a mentality, in my opinion.

The thing is, marriage as an institution scares the hell out of me. Devoid of the romance, lavish wedding reception and gifts, it is really a bunch of rules, enforced by culture and religion. And that suffocates me.

I want to get married someday but I cannot because in Singapore, to get married, I'd have to marry:

1) A Muslim man
2) A Malay man
3) A man compatible on a socio-economic standing as I am.

In that order.

And since Frenchy fails on the first two accounts, we can't get married under the Muslim law here so the alternative would be to get married in the civil court.Oh but it's not so easy. I went through the form out of curiosity and in one section, it asks you to declare if you are Muslim or not. I think that question is redundant and tricking you into believing you have some agency when in fact you don't. Like... surely MUIS (the islamic authority in Singapore) won't receive flags if a Mr Muhammad xyz or Ms Siti xyz is about to get married in the civil court? Regardless of whether they ticked "yes" or "no" to that question.

I know of some couples who have gone ahead with the marriage anyway and received letters requesting to come for religious counselling. On top of that, the families of the Muslim man/woman in question will also be alerted and invited to such sessions. It's almost like a recipe for disaster and losing face for the families involved.

Honestly to me, getting married is the same whether a priest or imam or judge or monkeyman blesses you. You get a signed paper, maybe a new name and a lot of administrative work to follow. Why do people have to make it so hard?

Then we decided to enquire about it at the French embassy. France has a special civil union called the PACS which was originally meant for same-sex couples to attain the same legal status as married couples. So we thought, maybe this might be possible but no...

Frenchy still has to produce a cert of conversion (or otherwise, I have to) or we can't get married/civil union. But... it's okay for gay people to get married and no proof of conversion needed for Jewish-non-Jewish couples. Whaaaattt....

What's with the Islamic bureaucratic redtape?

I know deep in my heart that it is what's inside that matters but then why am I so disturbed by the difficulty in which I am unable to get married?