The Big Change

For many who know me, they would know that all my life has been about conforming and seeking approval first from my family, then the community, the religion and possibly, the world. My life has been measured and planned out for me and any deviations along the way were frowned upon.  A quarter of a century of my life has passed and yet I’ve not truly lived any of those years. But that’s about to change.

1) I’m a single Malay girl moving out and living with strangers in Singapore.

*gasps!* That is unheard of! Haven’t your parents taught you enough never to go against them lest you face the horrors of Tanggang (a Malay folktale about a man who turned to stone upon disowning his mother)? I don’t fancy turning into stone, nor do I fancy going through the next decade(s) of my life following rules and conforming to expectations either.

Moving out may seem drastic to some, especially when viewed from the lens of a Singaporean Malay/Muslim (usually person of authority). But reality check – the world has not ended, it’s still moving and so should you. So anyway, I’m moving in to this really awesome place where the landlord teaches art and has the common spaces filled with his artwork like a gallery. Here are some photos but more to come! It’s quiet with lots of greenery and even has an alfresco kitchen to which I am most excited to use. More details of the big move will be posted soon. I’m still in the middle of packing and shifting things around at the moment.

2) I’m a single Malay/Muslim girl who is moving out to live with her partner.

*gasps!*  It may be common in many Western countries, but trust me, no one actually moves out to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend in Singapore. Firstly, it’s expensive; there are not enough houses to go around and secondly, the culture is such that you only leave your home after you’ve bought your Build-to-Order (BTO) flat with your fiance/fiancée/spouse. I have a theory- I think many Malay girls marry early –to get away from the cultural constraints (and maybe their parents).

One of my favourite social thinkers of all time – Anthony Giddens (the other, among others being Michel Foucault) discusses this in his book , The Transformation of Intimacy.

And I must say that the concept of moving in transforms the idea of intimacy (and to some extent legitimacy as well) and I think that is both so exhilarating yet challenging. Will chronicle my life from now on; sharing a common space, common pool of money and everything else that will come from sharing a space with someone.    

3) I’m the Malay girl who’s going running with her housemate’s dog

*gasps!* A dog?! That's haram! Here I would like to ask a question - if a Muslim sees a dog (or a pig for that matter) being abused on the street, would he/she just leave it be because to touch it or be associated in any way with it is haram? 

To me, God has ordained that we treat all his creations with love and kindness. I love dogs as much as I love cats and horses and giraffes and so, I'll wash myself (sertu) with the necessary soil/earth compounds. 

I think having the big husky around is one of the reasons why I love this new place. It’s so warm and cuddly and I heard it can run 8km well! Not that I’m a big runner but I’m planning to! Gonna catch up on exercise and diet once we’ve moved in. 

I'm really happy and I'm excited to move on to this next stage in my life. I admit that it's taking a big leap of faith but I hope that in 5 years down the road, when I look back, I'd be grateful that I had chosen to live my life in the best way that I could, for myself.